Jëøþa®dì§e§ç®íþt

What the hell? Right here and now, I am still thinking of what I have done in the last few days. Regret? Crazy? Stupidity? Confusion? Whatever it is, they’ve sum into one conclusion. I have did what I thought best for me although for someone else it is not.

AAM Petronas Sprinta Malaysian Cub Prix Championship 2007 Round 5 was the biggest event last week. I withdrawed nad its the hardest decision I’ve made last week although I am selected as one of the top racers from Sarawak. Some asked my why, I just replied because of financial problem, since I raced on my own  pocket money. I didn’t look for sponsorship too but that does not weakened my spirit to race.

I am lack of practise and my bike is not that ready to face the challenge. At the last days of practise I did went to the circuit but i didn’t practise because of machine problem. At the time I want to pick up my bike for the last practise session (where admitted), the engine was not assembled and the piston was still outside. Tyres? Yes I know I didn’t have money to buy it now for the race. I didn’t know the performance at all where these made me so frustrated with myself. I can’t afford at this time, really. Off course I had to blame myself, not my mechanic because I am the one playing.

Heard the event was so hot. Heard the event was so happening. I just came to see the finals. I went to Sri Aman for Pesta Benak on 16 June where the race starts that day. I feel nothing there … Sri Aman failed to give me ‘aman’ or peace. Instead I found ‘Jalan Buntu’ in Sri Aman. Funny huh? On the final race, I did see the championship, from outside. Wow … saw them race in the rain … very difficult, risky, dangerous. Many accidents occured.

Argh … !!! If I joined the race and ahhhhhh … if I win I thought I will get so busy and need to be serious in this arena. My jobs how? A lot of them waiting. I have spent half of this year’s weekends at the circuit. I should think of my friends problem too coz they’ve spent so much too. Surely, they will think I suck. Whatever.

This month’s salary is a bit difficult issue. The company’s having financial trouble and one of the staff made me have to stay away far from the office. Really stupia arr this problem. Settled this one so far…. however "sik kmk berani nampar orang, kmk main madah ajak".

Well, to the end …

I will race again. I realised that winning is not just to win. It’s in the heart. It’s forever. Winning is easy … but to always win is impossible.