Jëøþa®dì§e§ç®íþt

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads. (the late)



RONALD REAGAN: I forget.



KARAM SINGH WALIA (TV3 News caster): Seperti yang saudara
dapat lihat, kelihatan ayam2 melintas jalan, mereka bukan sahaja
melintas jalan malah membuang najis di atas jalan dan ini adalah
pencemaran yang paling hebat di maya pada masa ini. Bapa-bapa dan
ibu-ibu Ayam haruslah mengambil inisiatif untuk melatih ayam-ayam agar
menahan najis sewaktu melintas jalan, sekian saya sudahi dengan pantun
……… Ayam di jalan di lintaskan, Ayam di reban mati tak makan

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone
cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, "What the
heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

BILL GATES: I have just
released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads,
but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
checkbook.

(then PM) MAHATHIR: You know, I
am tired of all this..’apa-nama’ chicken-chicken bisnes….the foreign
powers should stop intervening in our domestic affairs and just leave
our chickens alone….. if they want to…’apa nama’ cross the road,
they should be allowed to cross the road .. Malaysia is a democratic
country,we let our chickens do whatever they want to do…. as long as
they don’t threaten the Malay unity and try to topple the
government…and if they plan to do so…we won’t hesitate to use the
ISA… [Internally Secured Ayam)


ABDULLAH BADAWI: Ini semua adalah khabar angin
sahaja…jangan percaya khabar - khabar angin ini semua…biasalah ini
adalah taktik pembangkang untuk memecah belahkan perpaduan ayam - ayam
semua…jangan percaya..jangan percaya….

SAMY VELLU :
ayyooyoo…belakang cerita lain kali, kita sude bikin banyak jembatan,
itu ayam musti guna jembatan untuk lintas itu jalan lagi pun kalu itu
ayam mau pigi jalan-jalan,beritau sama saya juga, saya bolley buat
lebbey banyak toll……..

COLONEL SANDERS:  I missed one?

BILL CLINTON : I’ve had so many chicks, I can’t remember…

ME : Ta’ei siao belaleh gak Uyak!

Damn! There goes another drop of oil leak from the main engine. After this I am gonna screw the nut tighter and if it is still leaking, gonna get some PTFE. Quite unhappy tough but I feel the engine running smoothly up to 16,000 rpm. If you does not know what I am talking about just now, I am refering to my Kawasaki ZXR engine. At 14,000 rpm I could reach 160km/h quite easily. Sweat on Kuching road. …

Appointment with Dr. Lim 7 pm tonight. Ohhh I am really sick…

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their
vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it
down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When
we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping
cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?”
Well, it isn’t all right so why don’t we say, “That hurt, you stupid
idiot?”

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch
something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock
something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

If at first you don’t succeed, shouldn’t you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?

And obviously if at first you don’t succeed, then don’t take up sky diving!

The
statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is
suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best
friends, if they’re okay, then it’s you.

Taken from inethouse.net

Breast Biting

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He
says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100
dollars?

"Are you nuts? !!" she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns
around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

    "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.

"Listen you; I’m not that kind of woman! Got it?" So the guy runs
around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your
breasts
    just once for $10,000 dollars?"

She thinks about
it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but
not here. Let’s go to that dark alley over there."

So they go
into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most
perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them
and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking
them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.

    The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?"

    "Nah", he replies. "Costs too much……………"

*LoL*

THIS BLOG IS FOR SALE!!!

If you’re not interested just skip this post. For others who are interested, read on

…so if I can’t make you love me, if I can’t make you care, what price can take me there?

A life of sanity and dignity
You know it takes two
And what’s the use in being a millionaire
If I can’t have you

I wanna buy you a home
I’ll pay your friends
If you’re feeling alone
The pain of losing a girl like you
Is a bigger cost
Than paying your dues

I can buy you, oh yeah, oh yeah
But I can’t make you do what you don’t
And I can hire you, oh yeah, oh yeah
But I can’t make you love me
I can’t make you

You say I’d never go for a little
And I always need more
And you’re a thousand dollar playgirl
That I just can’t afford

But I guess you got me, oh, oh
You got me hanging around
For too long
I don’t wanna stop it, oh no, oh no
I bet your life that it’s
With me you belong

And I can buy you, oh yeah, oh yeah
But I can’t make you do what you don’t
And I can hire you, oh yeah, oh yeah
But I can’t make you love me
I can’t make you care

So if I can’t make you love me
If I can’t make you care
What price can take me there
In this world
Somebody told me cash is king

I didn’t mean to force you, oh no
But I bet a fortune it’s
With me you belong

And I can buy you, oh yeah, oh yeah
But I can’t make you do what you don’t
And I can hire you, oh yeah, oh yeah
But I can’t make you love me
I can’t make you care
I can’t take you there
Anymore

(A Camp - "I can buy you")